Breaking an addiction

I’ve been trying not to say this or write about it for a very long time now. I don’t know how some people here would see me after writing this. I don’t know what you may think of me afterwards. Since I’m gradually becoming a public figure here (disbelieve me at your own peril), I now care so much about public perception of me that is why I write so little about my daily itineraries. And since I don’t write about my successes on this space, I haven’t written about my failures or Achilles’ heel. But today will be different. I will write about it. I’m taking the bull by the horns. I will write about it since everyone has a flaw.

I have a weakness, and I can’t help it. It started a considerably long time ago when I was still under the tutelage of my parents. It started long before I got admission to study C-Hell-A at the University of Ibadan. Don’t ask me what course is that. Do your own research and people would tell you what that is. I was small and had all freedom to myself. Besides, I was the last born (I still am, laughing out loud) so I was treated especially. I had some unfettered leeway and always had my way. My late dad indulged me a lot, too. My mom did too. My growing up was close to idyllic.

One thing that is common about every human is the innate desire to seek pleasure or to continue doing something — even when he should stop it. It isn’t bad per se. We are all pleasure-seeking animals. But there should be a point where one should stop especially when this very act has become embarrassing or draining — emotionally, socially or financially. Let me digress a bit. Look around you. You’ve got a bad habit you’ve always wanted to stop. You’ve tried to stop it but the more you try the more you feel weak to stop. I hope you learn from this, from my own story. I myself have not stopped but you know I’m trying really hard to stop. At this juncture, you shouldn’t stop reading please.

Then I’ve also found out that in a situation where one does not have the wherewithal to stop this act, one can devise another way to combat it and eventually conquer it, however hard the other way may be.

Okay. Back to my story or let me put it rather properly, confession. My mom was a fantastic cook. She cooks well. Her culinary skills are second to none. I loved her food, I mean so much. She could cook variety of our local meals: okra, vegetable, (jollof) rice, you name it. After every meal, I’d sneak into her room to take (mark my word, take I didn’t say steal ‘cos it wasn’t stealing) a piece of meat/fish or two while she was taking some fresh air on the balcony. I always did this whenever she cooked and like I wrote earlier, my mom was a fantastic cook. I always couldn’t resist what went into her soup, so I’d always sneak and had my way. At a point, this became a habit. But I never minded as I never saw it as stealing.

Then one day I was caught; I was caught with a small piece of chicken in my mouth. It was Easter hence the chicken lol. My mom entered just as I put it in my mouth. She asked me what I was doing in her room and of course your guess is as good as mine. ‘Cos I couldn’t talk. I tried to open my mouth to speak and just then, my mom found out that this boy was at it again. She could easily know I had been doing this surreptitiously because some mothers had this uncanny knowledge of remembering how many pieces of meat or fish they left in the soup. They might not necessarily be doing the counting. At every point if she asked the second day if I had perhaps gone back to her soup, I’d just smile sheepishly.

I didn’t know how much this habit I took from my formative years was going to affect me when I grew up. And now I’m a grown-up. I’m a grown up because I now cook my own food by myself and this is where the problem lies. I always finish the meat or fish in my soup the night before the next day or before the dusk of that day if I cook the soup in the morning of that very day. And this is my confession. I’ve been trying to stop but it’s somewhat hard. I could wake up in the middle of the night, remembered I still had some fish in the soup and without any second thoughts I’d go straight to the pot to pick a piece or two. And then gushed it down with some water.

The implication of this terrible habit is that for the next two to three days that follow, I’d have to eat my soup naked. And this is embarrassing. Remember what I said about the act being embarrassing after some time. Embarrassing because someone who doesn’t know you for what you are would think you’re poor or something. And at times financially draining as I may try to buy some fish again while the pot of soup lasts. And asides my trying to make this sound hilarious, you should’ve been getting the constructive moral I’m trying to tell.

Often times, it becomes hard for us to unlearn some things we had learnt early in our lives. At times, it becomes extremely hard to break an addiction or a habit to something we got when we were much younger. Sometimes, it becomes hard for us to endure the pains even when we know it’d make us better off in the long run. Or we still relish the pleasure we had eight or ten years ago when we should be striving for greater things or when we should’ve discarded such pleasure. I could go on and on to cite instances of how this my story connects but the list is inexhaustive.

It’s high time you recognized areas you’ve always been trying to break a habit or an addiction to something you took during your formative years. I’m glad mine isn’t that big and I’ve got a way of dealing with it by cooking soup with little fish that won’t cost me too much. You can get someone to talk to or openly express it so that a lot of people will hold you accountable.

I stumbled upon a post on Twitter this afternoon. It’s about someone trying to break an addiction to pornography and masturbation. He or I think she (I’m not so sure) confessed it on Twitter and just today she says she’s two days free from masturbation. Tomorrow will be the third day and on and on. A habit can be formed or broken in just ten days, a psychology professor once said. It’s up to you. Don’t ask me while mine hasn’t been broken yet. Laughing out loud…signing out!